If you’re single or dating, the odds of this magical man crossing your path are fairly high. He’s the guy that says all the right things and possesses amazing charm. He’s polished, well spoken and understands women---the kind of guy you might consider taking home to the family.
Some may refer to these men as “pickup artists” while others call them “players.” They have one thing in common: the ability to morph into whatever suits our needs in order to accomplish their mission. The modern day magician is charming, persuasive and oh-so-hard to resist…but even when we suspect we’re being played, why do we fall for them hook, line and sinker? In a perfect world, one could hope to find a man who is upfront, and when we ask, “Are you a player?” that he would actually answer honestly. But, what man is going to admit that he is not looking for a real commitment, has dishonest intentions, doesn’t live up to promises, lacks empathy or is unfaithful? Instead they inherit the art of creating illusions and turning into con-men.
One female shared a story of a man she met locally. They had so much in common, immediate chemistry, long conversations and he was amazingly attentive with the “utmost respect for women,” which he credited to growing up in a household full of women. (Be careful when they start excessively complimenting our gender or bragging about their relationship with mom….huge red flag!) He mentioned owning a dog, which again made him a caring individual in this female’s eyes. After all, he respects women and he’s a dog owner! Hmmm. During their many conversations she inquired as to who walks the dog when he was away, since his job in the police force required he work 16-hour days. He became a little nervous on the phone as he admitted his “wife” walked the dog when he was at work! Of course, he cleverly explained away the absent wedding ring which was “in the shop” the day they met. He even made a feeble attempt at trying to win her affection after confessing the wife, which he hoped would not ruin what was developing between them.
While writing this article I tried gathering information from the male population. The first male I asked suddenly had to hang up the phone. Something else came up which was much more important than answering a few questions about players.
The next man became hostile as he explained that women know they’re getting played. However, I later managed to get a sensitive, candid interview about the mind of a player from this gentleman.
A few men confessed to being former players. One man stated that “women sometimes date players because they like a challenge. Players tend to be mysterious and women are sometimes attracted or intrigued by the player.”
So why do men feel the need to play women? According to men, there are three types of players:
1.) The first type of player might not be interested in playing the female, but she makes it easy for him to play her. Sometimes a man will date a woman and discover that she’s not up to his standards, but he continues to “string her along” because he enjoys what he’s getting from the relationship. Sex!
2.) The second type of player is truly interested in playing women. According to one male, “Women are looking for the right guy and if he says all the right things and becomes that guy, he can go far.”
3.) The third type of player is being cautious. Sometimes men don’t know if the woman is playing them, so men play back.
A few men admitted that more women wanted them during their playing days than after cleaning up their act. It’s a sad state of affairs when we actually prefer the bad boys more than the clean cut guy-next-door type.
Why do some women get played while others manage to avoid these men?
A woman who doesn’t know what she wants is going to get played. When a woman is more aggressive and detail oriented, meaning she states her expectations in the very beginning, there is less chance of getting played. So maybe the concept of men loving temperamental women is true?
Are we supposed to have sympathy for the male gender? After all, they have to work so hard at being the modern day magician. According to the guys, if a man wants to be with an abundance of women, he has to play them. If a woman wants to be with a multitude of men, she doesn’t have to do anything. As one man said, “being a player is a very difficult job!” (Can you hear the violin playing in the background?) “You have to be a great liar to keep everything in check and most men tire of the game.” One man admitted to taking notes in an attempt to keep track of the many women he dated back in the day, and of course he wasn’t proud to admit some of the tricks of the trade. His intent was to avoid hurt feelings by not getting the facts mixed up. If the truth be told, not all players are on a mission to conquer and destroy women.
Content © 2009 Corbis All rights reserved.
Below are a few pointers from former players on how not to get played:
• Pay attention to the signs: Nine times out of ten, a woman is more intelligent than a man, but they still get caught up in the game.
• Ask all the questions when you’re not drinking: A man will fidget when he’s lying and it’s better to monitor his actions or reactions when sitting in a coffee shop as apposed to a bar. Most people (in general) will do something to give themselves away when lying.
• Tell him to take the sunglasses off! There is a reason poker players wear sunglasses. If he’s wearing them---run don’t walk!
• Figure out where he is in his life: If he’s already been a player, then chances are favorable that he’s moved away from that stage.
• Don’t give it up too fast! Most guys will say anything to get a woman into bed, so make him wait. If he’s serious about you, he will wait as long as it takes. If he makes a fuss, then he just wants you for the sex. As one man said, “Men are predators. Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.”
So the next time that smooth talking guy tries to sweep you off your feet, make sure he passes the test with flying colors. As the saying goes, “give a man enough rope and he’ll hang himself!”
